My Diagnosis

I went to the psychiatrist today for my three month medication management check in. Today started like any other day. Tossing and turning all night, anxious about going to see her. I woke up this morning, pressed snooze eight times. Finally, I made it out of bed and into the bathroom. I got in the shower and just stood there. Staring blankly at the ceiling for what seemed like an hour, whilst the scolding hot water, pelted my skin. I took my sweet time getting ready.

When I got there, my anxiety really kicked in. I showed up early (of course), waited in the parking lot and tried to do some deep breathing before my world completely fell apart. She asked me how I was, I reported having better days. She seemed sympathetic. When I sat down in the chair and she asked me to elaborate, I kind of broke down. Upset with myself and how things were going. My mood swings, anxiety, and depression had certainly gotten the best of me, I told her.

That’s when she asked about my mood swings. The duration, the severity, the content. I explained as best I could and that’s when she told me. I believe you are experiencing these mood swings and feelings because you are suffering from Bipolar II Disorder. My heart dropped to my feet. It felt as though I’d been stabbed in the stomach. She reassured me everything would settle out and she’d adjust my medication to better suit my symptoms. But that’s not what I was worried about…